Gossip Girl (2007) Rewatch- S 5 Pt 1

Happy #GGThursday!! We took a break last week but we’re back to start a new season! Ready to rewatch with us? Grab a snack and settle in!

But first,

1. All photos are courtesy of Home of the Nutty unless otherwise specified.

2. Spoilers abound. Read at your own risk.


Episode 1- Yes, Then Zero

“Los Angeles is a plastic surgery layover, not somewhere you live.”

-Blair

Random thoughts

  • The beginning of this season is very theatrical: fun summery establishing shots and upbeat indie music? I love it.
  • How did that motorcycle helmet just so happen to reveal Chuck’s invitation to Blair’s wedding? TV physics, I tell you.
  • The whole idea of saying yes to everything did not mean to answer every question knowing it was a lie. I’m looking at you, Nathaniel. Speaking of, what is his strange obsession with older dominant women?
  • What motivational guru did Chuck stumble upon over the summer?

Commentary

Louis is a wimp and somewhat of a gaslighter. If he can’t side with Blair on simple wedding choices like the type of flowers she’ll walk down the aisle with, what else will he shortchange her on? He says he’s only doing it because his mother will make things difficult if she doesn’t get her way now, but anyone with an ounce of sense knows it’s not that simple. And no, him suddenly defending her in the end doesn’t change anything. Besides, we know they’re not endgame anyway so why should we root for him?

I feel for Marshall, I really do. But that is no excuse to be a bad employee and a flat out jerk. Serena shouldn’t have had to take the fall for this guy, even if she could “take a lap around the party and get 10 job offers”. It’s not her fault that she has strong work ethic.

Episode 2- Beauty and the Feast

“Is being dead that much worse than being nothing?”

-Chuck

Random thoughts

  • I don’t know how I feel about Rufus’s new hair cut.
  • I know that the audience isn’t meant to root for Louis, but I wish they would’ve at least tried to make him more interesting.

Commentary

I’m not sure if I love or hate Serena for being so persistent about having Charlie move in with her. On one hand, I enjoy watching Charlie/Ivy squirm as she struggled to break away from her, but it’s also annoying how oblivious Serena is. Clearly, her “cousin” was not excited about running into her. Perhaps she waved it off as a nod to Charlie’s mental instability last season, but come on. It’s one thing to try and force them to become roommates on the west coast, but to whisk her back to the UES is asinine.

Why does everyone assume that every spiral Chuck goes down is an ill-fated attempt to get Blair’s attention? Sure, his recent acts of thrill seeking are obviously related to his losing her, but it stems more from an internal struggle than an act of grandeur.

I’m sure this was the last thing on Blair’s mind when she went to Dan’s for comfort after telling him she was pregnant, but there couldn’t have been a better guy for the job. He’s had his share of baby mama drama himself (remember Milo?)

Episode 3- The Jewel of Denial

“I came from nothing. Everything here sparkles. And that family that you can’t stand has been kinder to me than my own family ever was. I’m not walking away from that. And if you try to take me down, Carol, you’re coming with me.”

-Ivy

Random thoughts

  • Okay, this is a small thing, but is there any particular reason why Charlie/Ivy deleted her entire phone book when Carol kept calling her?
  • I’m loving Leighton’s tan in season five. It truly becomes her.
  • Why does everyone choose to keep important documents in their drawers? Blair should have shredded that paternity test!

Commentary

I would make a comment about how silly it is for Nate to accept an internship working for a woman he’s sleeping with, but I’ve come to expect this type of behavior from him at this point. He’s spent all of his life trying to make his own way without his family’s influence, only to get baited into yet another cougar’s trap. Is it really that important for him not to use nepotism to his advantage? Look at what Diana is turning him into!

It’s amazing how many different ways this show will find to bring all of the important characters together — be it some charity event, fashion show, or gala — to let the drama unfold. Of course Rufus gets Lily released from house arrest early, on the same day Carol is supposed to be flying into town, on the same evening of a fashion show where, surprise surprise, Charlie/Ivy is a model, courtesy of her dear cousin Serena. Dramatic gold.

Episode 4- Memoirs of an Invisible Dan

“If you can’t tell the difference between what I did to Blair and what I did to you, then maybe your portrayal in the book is more accurate than you thought.”

-Dan

Random thoughts

  • Remember when I asked about Ivy deleting her entire phone book in the last episode? It comes back here as Diana tries to figure out who the owner of the phone is when she leaves it at the fashion show.

Commentary

This book. WHEW THIS BOOK. I love how Dan tries to run interference with the gang thinking that would help soften the blow. A better way to break the news to everyone would have been to just tell them what he wrote instead of expecting them to read the entire book in one night and show up to a book party symbolizing their support. Has he ever even seen any of them (except for maybe Blair) read?

This might arguably be the best episode of the show so far. It’s a fantastic satire of everything that has transpired, and goes to show how, even though the NJBC has grown up in some ways, they’re still just as vain and shallow as they were in the pilot.

To be fair, though, everyone else seems to be equally invested in the book and the people the characters are based on, but why? Maybe it’s a society thing, but keeping secrets is the main reason why they continue to have problems in the first place. If they would just open up about their shortcomings from the beginning, Inside wouldn’t have rattled them nearly as much. They could all stand to take the approach that Chuck did here.

Oh, and for the record, I agree with what Dan wrote about his father 1000%.

Episode 5- The Fasting and the Furious

“You never had a childhood and so you behave like a child in the worst ways. You pay for intimacy so you’re always in control and no one can get close to you. Your superficial connections and lack of authentic emotion leave you isolated and alone. Not just tonight, always. I wish you all the best, but you’re going to need more than that to live a happy and normal life.”

-Eliza Barnes

Random thoughts

  • Kudos to Serena for playing nice with Dan to get the film rights to Inside. I didn’t think she had it in her.
  • The mention of the “big producer” that Alessandra had been talking to about Dan’s book did NOT age well. It doesn’t help that his name gets dropped A LOT in this episode.

Commentary

In this week’s episode of Rufus Is A Bad Father, he blatantly ignores Dan’s phone calls because his feelings are hurt from how he was portrayed in the book. I can only imagine what it feels like to find out what your child really thinks about you, but dodging their calls is childish. Besides, was Dan wrong?

I’m no expert on aristocracies, but I think it’s a bit much to draw up such ludicrous clauses in Blair and Louis’s custody contract, even for Beatrice. Can’t be in New York for more than 48 hours? Must notify royal security if the baby leaves Monaco for longer than 6 hours? Who has the time to nickel and dime all of that? I get that the whole point was to convince Louis to deem the terms too harsh and relinquish the throne, but still.

Episode 6- I Am Number Nine

“I’m sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you. I’m sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building. I’m sorry for treating you like property. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you when I knew I did. But most of all, I’m sorry that I gave up on us when you never did.”

-Chuck

Random thoughts

  • There are bridezillas, and then there’s Blair Waldorf. The B-plot consisting of the bridesmaid competition is hysterical.

Commentary

Louis should’ve just left Blair instead of stooping to her level to keep her away from Chuck. Also, I may have missed something, but how does Louis even know Dr. Barnes? Did he see her and Chuck in the dog park? Was it him who orchestrated the run-in in the first place? If their connection was shown, it was truly a “blink and you miss it” moment.

How in the world was Serena going to be able to “protect” the screenplay for Dan’s book from being screwed up? She can’t even stand up to her own (now ex-) boss.


To date, we have reviewed 93 episodes of Gossip Girl! What a wild ride! With only a handful of episodes to go, what stories are you most looking to reliving? Let us know in the comments!

XOXO 💋


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